absolute thinking

- so, i've been going to a new church. they consider themselves part of the emergent "conversation". frankly I think the "conversation" rhetoric is a bit retarded, but that's just my opinion. anyway . . I'm thankful that I've found a community of people who aren't terrified by liberal thought. there's one guy in the group who might actually be more liberal than me . . . that's a very welcome change.

- thanksgiving was challenging this year. on one side of my family i'm the only grandchild, but the other side the only cousin that showed up this year is 14. so basically I spent 10 hours on thursday making conversation with people who at minimum are 25 years older than me.

- one thing that's been on my mind lately is the word "absolute". this word comes from the same root as "absolve" or "absolution". considering that 'ab' = away from, and 'solute' refers to that which is loosened or set free, I think we've kinda screwed up the term in contemporary society. I think we've confused the Platonic ideal of TRUTH, set apart and eternally existing away from all forms of truth here in this world, as though this is a line of thinking that all moral people are required to believe. In fact, to believe in "absolute truth" is to believe in truth that is free and unrestricted. It's funny then to me, that the first thing we do to this absolute truth is try to chain it to doctrinaire systems and the confines of language. Language in its essence is confining . . . i think that basically erodes any possibility for something to be absolute. maybe instead . . . absolute truth cannot be spoken, but only acted out. With language we can approach it with metaphors and analogies, but certainly we cannot map out its structure or its core.

- I finished watching Six Feet Under last night in and 8 hour marathon. It is without question the greatest TV show ever produced. I cried.

- Thanksgiving day it snowed. I saw the biggest snowflakes I have ever seen. I got to live in a postcard for about 20 minutes. that was cool.

- Research is under way: I'm studying the interaction of a paramecium that lets some little algae live inside it, but as it appears there is a virus that lives in the algae that lets this go down. now, i get to rack my brain in my spare time trying to understand how, and why . . . and this matters, because it appears that all the worlds animal and plant cells exist because a similar event happened way back when the world was formless and void, etc.

- musically i've been very uninspired lately . . . that's sad.

- i've been very comforted lately by the fact that the wake of our mistakes, as devastating as it may feel, is the place where we really come to know ourselves. I've found that most mistakes I make come at a point where I am unsure of my self, or who exactly I am, and unsure of what my heart is really telling me . . . so I step out in uncertainty and vulnerability . . . in a mix of bravery and idiocy. I used to think this was something that could be avoided, but I believe that less and less. Not that I think it a great idea to run into bad choices . . . but, I've started to realize that to truly live requires us to live in the midst of the gray areas of life . . . another way to say it: I used to think standing out from the world and carefully avoiding the potential tragedies and dangerous points of decisions, the crises, was a mark of wisdom . . that was what my youth group morality had lead me to believe. thank God that isn't actually true; but rather, wisdom is proved by the way it lives in those crises, amidst all the dangers of life. Thank God for mistakes, and that we may seek him even through the consequences which follow . . as long as we have breath.