Serious sports: formerly known as an oxymoron.

My refuge from the assaults of academia is sports. In doing so, I forfeit all my indie points, and suffer the scorn of intellectuals across the world . . . but hey, we all have to find some way to relax. I am currently watching the Rose Bowl, or rather, the Citi Rose Bowl. Later I plan to watch the Allstate Sugar Bowl. Thanks to Citi and Allstate for imposing their sponsorship upon our consciousness.

I wonder how long I have until I will no longer root for the Texas Longhorns, but rather the AT&T Texas Longhorns . . . that sounds more poetic doesn't it?

Ohio State just caught the kickoff (or I should say, 'Nokia Ohio State just caught the kickoff') and the commentator sets the narrative, "And so the journey begins." How profound. The Citi Rose Bowl = a journey. Were it that we all could travel afar to distant lands, to battle legendary foes, all within the confines of a stadium.

The pre-game show likened it to a rose. Should I say a Citi rose? Yes I should. Next time you are buying some Citi roses for your sweetheart, remember within that bouquet is all the metaphorical significance of a football game. Something about thorns and layers . . . whatever. Draw your own parallels, there are plenty.

Thus I can no longer relax without adding sponsorship to common objects. I now have to add Allstate sugar to my coffee, enjoy my FedEx orange juice, while sitting in America enjoying my Autozone liberty. (Notice: America is up for grabs, who's it going to be?)

Oh! someone just made a Burger King first down. Bank of America Oregon really needs to score a Ford touchdown now. Enough: I return to the profound metonymy and analogical artistry of sportscasters.

If only sports could aspire to unabashed superficiality.
If only corporate America would quit pissing territorially on household items and every form of leisure entertainment.

But, I digress: Happy Verizon New Year everyone! May your Haliburton dreams come true, and your Brinker family be healthy.