Faith

I had a roommate in college who on the rare occasion we talked about God would tell me that faith was simple. I didn't like this. Faith has never been simple for me. Yes, I get that God is a mystery. I understand that he is so high above us that he will never be reduced to some complicated formula. These facts are not new to me. I promise I have no illusions of ever figuring God out.

Yet, so often it seems that simple faith misleads us. Widows sending in food money on 'faith' so that some televangelist can drive a Porsche. Cancer victims refusing to cope with death on 'faith' they will be healed. What of 'faith' that causes people to support political endeavors that are blatantly not Christian. Why is it that so often simple faith simply leaves us blind to reality?

It seems to me there are countless people who pull their salary from simple faith. There are countless politicians who maintain their office as long as they maintain their "Christian" image. I am confronted daily with shallow and occasionally idiotic decisions that people make and justify them with faith.

I thought understanding the complexities of Christianity would save me this. Recently I've realized that the biggest difference is that now when I get taken advantage of with everybody else, I am sadly aware, and mostly unable to do anything about it. Complex faith enables me to wrestle daily with doubts of all varieties. I find to a large degree I actually enjoy this, until after overcoming some doubt, I look to others to let them in on this victory and find no one there because it seems everyone else solved the problem by running away from it . . . or maybe just 'speaking truth' so loudly they have deafened themselves to the presence of doubt.

Complex faith generally takes one down roads that shake simplicity to the core. If you choose complex faith you are forced to leave no question unasked. At least that's what I've found. I think I'm curious anyway and have always loved the thrill of exploring. So, complexity is more like something I was built for than something I arbitrarily chose. It's challenging now for me to listen to people of simple faith. I can point out inconsistencies and flaws in logic. I can give a historical context. I can play the devil's advocate until I have no idea where to make a stand on anything.

My friend Jonathan and I were talking about the concept of second naivete. It was a philosopher named Paul Ricoeur who coined the term. The idea is that eventually knowledge leads you to the realization of your own ignorance. You realize in knowing that you don't know much at all, and if God is included in that realization, you worship again like a child. Jonathan and I realized last night, that maybe it's not one sudden paradigm shift from enlightenment to second naivete, but more like a fluctuation between that eventually chooses the latter.

I don't know where I'm at, honestly. Somewhere anonymously between the two poles wanting to call each side home. I struggle a lot with how to reconcile the two. For the longest time I just wished that everyone could start asking the hard questions, but that would be like taking someone who's lived their life at sea level to Denver and telling them to play a game of soccer. And yet, when people tell me to not question things I feel restricted and it seems like my world gets flatter.

If I'm required to choose, I choose complexity. I would choose freedom, even where that means standing alone. The question is how to have both? I'm still working on that. . . .