a renaissance of randomness

Recently my friend wrote this extremely random 'stream of conciousness - like' post on his blog. It made me smile. I wrote back the most random, funny stuff I could think of. I laughed really hard (I've determined I'm ok with laughing at my own jokes). And, I've realized something because of this exchange: life is random, and is more enjoyable when we respect it as such.

I have spent far too much of the last year trying to dileniate the shape of my own life, and it has led to it feeling very stagnant and boring. It's not that I've been miserable, but I have been consistently discontented. I feel like I'm always waiting to feel alive. It's like I'm watching all my friends live their lives, kinda like cheap reality shows, but my own life feels like I'm waiting for someone to press play. It's an irritating feeling. And, it's been underlying for a long time.

I think society puts to much pressure on college-age kids. There's this subtle but relentless attitude that we've had enough time to figure everything out by now, and now we need to start letting all the pieces fall into place. It's a load of crap.

I'm 23, and all I've figured out is that I've got nothing figured out, least of all, myself. So, if one expects me to live based on what I've realized at this point in my life, it would probably look like a total incoherent mess. Hallelujah! i'm on the the right path!

So here comes the epiphany, all the stuff I've said I'm gonna do with my life, I said those things as an idiot who knew nothing. I'm free!! . . . . . . oh the joy is mine! I no longer have anything to live up to.

Since I have now arrived at gnosis, I now declare the rest of my life to be random. (which means i'm not changing anything except for maybe my attitude) So, to all my friends, family, and groupies, I warn you to expect nothing I do to make sense . . . ever again. I hope from here on out to live as a proponent of chaos, and in doing so, rediscover the thing I once knew as "laughter".