Leadership

Hmmm. In an attempt to make this balanced, I admit I have always had issues with authority. I was rebellious as a teenager, and though I've calmed down, I have always had reservations in regard to authority figures. The only authority figures I have had good relationships with are those who basically never once acted as an authority. They never pulled a power play on me. They never coerced me. They never 'lorded over me'. These men and women (and they are precious few) always felt equal or at least within reach. They never appeared to have assumed so lofty a position that I simply needed to follow them without questions or doubts. They are the only ones I could respect as authorities with no hint of resentment in my heart. With them excluded (and I do believe they would number less than 15), I have always issue with those who assumed (or were by circumstance simply in a position of) power over me.

So, when it comes to church leadership, I typically shut my mouth. If the Spirit didn't aid me to submit, I would most likely spew all kinds of accusations and loaded questions at leadership. But, God often helps me to shut up. Fortunately for all. I realize that elders are men, and they are under more pressure than I could understand. So I hope nothing I say here comes across as accusatory or judgmental. My frustration is primarily with the system as it stands today. I don't intend to make any attack on them personally.

As I have dealt with this issue over the past couple years, I have realized that I no longer resent authority or leadership in of itself. Praise God. But, I have found exceptional trouble trusting in leaders who have never met me, and who might never know of my existence if I didn't bring it to their attention. These are men making decisions for me, and they've never seen my face. At best to them I am a name on an attendance sheet. At worst, I am a number. These are the men who guide me, but they've never heard my thoughts, never listened to my concerns, never listened to my dreams. They've never sought to hear what the Holy Spirit is revealing to them through me and through my life.

As for where I'm at in terms of titles:

I have no problem calling men I've never met an elder. If they are older than me, they have more experience, and are worth listening to an revering. They have a lot to teach me, and I should respect them. But, respect does not entail mindless obedience, and I still feel it is my responsibility to question their wisdom in light of the different situation I live in. Elders are deserving of my attention and respect, but the application is up to me and they cannot live my life for me.

I have a lot more difficulty calling a man I have never met my shepherd. Shepherd is a far more intimate term in my opinion, especially in light of how Jesus speaks of the job. Shepherds need to know their sheep, and most of my shepherds have never seen my face, they don't know my name. I am a number. Furthermore, I am not even their responsibility, but the responsibility of a minister whom they have passed their job on to. Meanwhile the shepherds who I am supposed to follow are busy being independently wealthy.

Sheep follow the shepherd as they hear his voice, and they go somewhere because he goes there first. The only time I have heard the voice of my shepherds is when they lead a prayer in the corporate service, and I'm not sure exactly what they are leading us to.

Sheep don't follow shepherds on their own initiative. When the shepherd is not keeping an eye on them, they wander off and typically die. I don't see in a very biblical to pass this job off to a paid minister. And in so far as they do, does that not make the minister the shepherd, and the one holding the title more of a corporate shareholder, attempting to see their sheep business adequately compete on the sheep market???

That being said, right now I'm pretty firmly convinced that most of the real shepherds in churches these days don't hold titles as such. The men at my church who I consider to be my shepherds certainly don't sit in on the meetings, but they know me. Perhaps not well, but they call me by name when they see me, and they know a few of the things that makes me unique. And what's more, they care. They want to see me grow into Christlikeness. They want to see me illuminated with the glory of God, not simply assure I attend service and conform to church standards.

I realize that this is harsh, and in it I don't mean to say anything concerning the character of any of the elders/shepherds at my church or any other. I don't know them well enough to say anything about their hearts or what the Spirit is doing in and through them. Truthfully, I don't know them period. And, that is the problem in my eyes.

Perhaps the criticism I direct at them is wrong, or simply like most criticism is, a misdirected display of pain, which I feel in regard to authority. Perhaps. Probably my comments reveal that I am 23 and have a lot of growth in the Spirit still needing to take place. I'm sure a bit more humility would serve me well. But for now, if I must err, I would choose to do so on the side of honesty at a set of circumstances that I feel quite sure need to be called into question.