Wavering

We've all heard the story of Peter confessing Jesus as the Christ.  This has been the verse of contention where Catholics claim Peter inherits the keys to the kingdom and becomes the first Pope.  I've thought a lot about this verse lately.  I think there are many significant things to be seen that we end up missing out on.

I've considered the general presupposed view of Jesus that we inherit in the West.  One of the characteristics of Jesus I think we hold to in this is a picture of a man who is unwaveringly self-assured.  This, I find, is especially true in regard to his own self-understanding.  We take the gospel narratives and assume that Jesus knew his own identity and destiny from infancy.  But, with ourselves, how many of us know unequivocally who we are or where we are headed?  I think of all the twists and turns my life has taken me through, and I know that I am in the vast majority of people who are always slightly unsure with these big existential issues.  Most people take a long time to figure out who they are and what they want to do with their life.  I think it is an easy projection on our part to turn Jesus into the superhuman that none of us can manage to be ourselves.  

My personal thought on this is that in order to count Jesus as "God" we've reduced his humanity, and thus made him into all the things which we can't live up to.  One of these being the need for a leader who never suffers the deep uncertainty that seems to be a common attribute to most of human kind.  Another pertinent point is that most people who never deal with such uncertainty are those who we would diagnose with some form of mental illness.  Then, there are also those "god-like" leaders of men, who project a persona which is infinitely certain of themselves and their own convictions.  These are typically the type of leaders who lead suicide missions or start illegitimate wars to the destruction of their followers.

I bring all this out to challenge the all-too-common portrayal of Jesus as some indefatigable, assertive leader, infinitely confident of himself.  I question whether such a leader has ever existed, and insofar as they have, I question whether it is in anyone's best interest to follow such a man.  Especially in modern context I have significant doubts that such a picture of Jesus allows us to maintain his humanity.

So, back to the story at hand.  We read that Jesus, in the company of his most intimate friends asks them who the crowds were making him out to be.  They give him a list of potential roles he is rumored to fulfill.  He then asks them the great question, "But you, who do you say that I am?"   The funny thing is that we always read this as if it were a rhetorical question.  We never seem to give voice to the possibility that he himself is not really sure of the answer.  Granted, Matthew's Gospel skews our view toward this radical self-confidence of Jesus.  But Mark, which is earlier, has no such self-confidence.  Rather, Jesus asks them to keep it a secret, almost as though he was scared of the consequences of them being right.   Almost as though he weren't expecting them to give him that answer.  As the story progresses, Jesus begins to fulfill the messianic role more and more, but even in his resolute march toward Jerusalem there still are signs of uncertainty and hesitation, even within his obedience.  

There are indications throughout the Gospels that Jesus struggled to understand who precisely he was.  At times he seems to see himself as Elijah preparing the way for the coming Son of Man.  Then he begins to think of himself as the Son of Man, the gracious judge of the world.  Then toward his end he appears to think of himself more as the Messiah, though never with absolute certainty.  

I see it as being quite normal to project onto Jesus the certainty we long for in any of our leaders.  We do it with our presidents and preachers, so it is par for the course to do the same for our Savior.  But, I think in doing so we lose the profound insight of the gospel, and detach Jesus from our world.  This is one particular place where I take issue with our ideas of the divinity of Jesus.  To claim Jesus as Lord should bring heaven down to earth, not steal the light of the world up into the ethereal realm above.  

I think a view of Jesus which allows him to be every bit as human as me, even in ambivalent self-understanding, rightly places the emphasis of the gospel story on God's action and work among imperfect human beings.  The beauty of the gospel, in my view, is not that Jesus was perfect in and of himself, but that God was his perfection even in Jesus' own incompleteness.  And, this is why the story is so beautiful!  Because it is our story too.  Jesus was our example, our model, and the first-fruits of the new Way toward God.  This is not that the emperor has come down to our lowly level, but that our brother has proved that God is sufficient to overcome our defeats, sins, imperfections, and uncertainty.