Extreme Makeover: Baptism Edition

(What follows is directed at people who are aquainted or affiliated with the denomination known as churches of Christ, if it makes no sense to you, don't worry about it)

Baptism is the least spiritual act a person could perform.

I was talking with my friend who is a college minister at a mega-church. . . . a mega church that is very modern. Being a paid minister at this church he is expected to earn at least 40 spiritual points a year. Here's the system:

preach a service - 2 points
get published in a newletter or magazine - 1 point
earn a degree - 1 point
lead a traditional gospel meeting - 1 point
baptize someone - 4 points

since basically the others are hand me downs, he has to meet a baptism quota of aroung 10 a year to satisfy the upper management. He hasn't been coming through, and the pressure has been on. I could be more cynical and criticize the upper management's motives, but I know better. I know they truly do want people to come to the Lord, and baptism is a quantifiable method of knowing that is happening.

I don't really think it serves any good purpose to rehash the same arguments about discipleship being better, or try and solve the same tired argument over the necessity of baptism for faith and salvation. I think those arguments are worn out. If an answer can be acheived, I quit caring what it was a long time ago.

But here's the reason I wanted to talk about this: chatting with my friend today he lamented his predicament since no one our age really wants to get baptized. That is about when I replied with my shock-value statement written above. Baptism is the most unspiritual activity in our churches today. People who might be baptized would surely reject it after witnessing one in any church of Christ throughout the United States.

Imagine: you're an unbeliever. You study with a committed Christian, possibly for months or years. In the course of study you begin to believe, you begin to make a connection to the Lord. You decide to follow him, but somewhere in this process you sit through a stale assembly in the church you've come to be a part of. One night you watch as someone else on a journey similar to your own walks to the front to "make a statement of faith". But, as it turns out this statement is not a statement at all. What is billed as a "statement" is actually a clause tacked on to the end of a prescripted statement that the minister makes for you. It is not a statement of your faith, but a statement of the faith that is being fed to you!

What about the spirituality of the event? After all this is your "wedding ceremony to the Lord". It is your public witness. Your act of dying and coming to new life, in Jesus. Yet do we talk to Jesus in our baptismal ceremonies? No. How about God? Not really. Do we in any way speak to the God who we claim is doing the act? Nope. What we do is present the "lost" person to the assembly. Tell the assembly a pathetic shadow of the persons story, after all they are incapable of telling it themselves because they are still lost (what a difference wet hair makes). Then we feed them a bunch of lines about what the faith they now believe is, they tack on a "yes I do" and the deed is done. Notice in this whole process no one talks to God. He is sufficiently cut out. It's a sad thing when the stagelight at a wedding fails to illuminate the groom!!!!

What about the life significance of baptism. We often fill the air beforehand with the promise that this is the most important decision you will ever make. Yet the whole thing fills up the span of 5 minutes. What is the five minutes followed by? Well . . . ummm . . . . if we're going to be honest . . . a lack of prayer, celebration, or anything to back up the claim that this is the most important decision of one's life. In fact with the overall way we treat it, it would appear that it is a very insignificant choice in one's life. A choice that is actually only worth dedicating about 5 minutes to bask in its significance . . . . (tangent: this is why I am in favor of baptismal 'classes', at least they could celebrate together when the older members deem it to not be that big of a deal).

One more thing. The center of Christian faith is the death, burial, and ressurection of Jesus. Now somewhere we got thing really jacked up and thought that this was best displayed by (drumroll), preaching. Sad. So this explains why baptisms are a 5 minute addendum to a 45 minute sermon. . . . . HELLO, WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT ABOUT??? If baptism is what we say it is, then it is the center of our faith. Not the act, but the reality it represents. When someone gets baptized, who cares about the metaphysical, ontological crap that we've been myopically staring at for far too long. We are seeing Jesus die and raise in that person! We are re-witnessing the passion and power of our Lord . . . . or at least that's the idea. See, it's easy to say that, but if one looks at the way we do baptism right now, it has little to nothing of our Lord's glory present in it. I imagine all the "lost" person in our assembly sees is a very scientific, human-centered act, where Jesus, who it's really all about, is not addressed, and is barely mentioned.

So, here's the suggestion: Change baptism or get used to people not caring about it.

Remember it's their faith. So let them tell it. Let's quit giving them only a cameo in their own baptism, and start letting them play the role they should play. Let them tell their story. Let them explain what it is that they believe about Jesus and what they think about him. Also, let's remember that Jesus is alive!!!! And he is present in that event. It's his wedding! He would like to at least be acknowledged in it, and who knows he might even affirm and reaffirm some vows to individuals and the community that all would benefit greatly to hear. Baptism is spiritual, NOT MECHANIC! Include God and he will bless it.

If baptism is as significant as we claim it to be, then there IS NO EXCUSE to make it a 5 minute addendum to a sermon. Cut the sermon short. Listen to the testimony of a lost son or daughter who is coming home. Pray over them. Pray over them! . . . . PRAY OVER THEM!!! I don't think we can let ourselves forget, no sermon or song will ever display the message of Jesus the way baptism does. Baptism is the message. It is a privalege to witness. It is the gospel before our eyes. That being the case, why is it not celebrated? Celebration is a good thermometer for how important an event is. We know that Christmas, Thanksgiving and Birthdays are important because we celebrate them. We know anniverseries are important because we celebrate them. We know that new jobs, pay raises, new houses, babies, and graduations are important because we celebrate them. If we don't celebrate baptisms, then why do we waste our breath asking why less people seem to value it these days?

The way we have done baptism for too long has made a mockery of the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. It has cut him out of his own wedding. It has been stale, and pejorative to the person coming to faith. It has become sadly irrelevant and unspiritual, and as it is, I don't think it is worth morning the loss of. Instead we should mourn what has already been lost, repent, and get back to what is a central aspect of the Christian faith.