A Big Fancy Word

I find that there are tons of spiritual things that I believe in . . . until people start talking about them. Example: I believe in spiritual beings called angels and beings called demons. That is until people begin to speak about them. As soon as people start describing their experience, or more typically their Aunt's cousin's friend's experience of these beings, I suddenly find an eruption of skepticism that I did not realize lived within me. It's not just angels that this applies to. I believe in heaven and hell, until people begin (with no lack of emphatic detail) describing these places. Eternity is a concept I rest much of my hope on, but then people begin to paint pictures of it, and it ceases to sound like it's all that great. And at the top of the list: I firmly believe in God. Yet, when people describe God or even talk about him I find doubt, disbelief, and reactionary cynicism without limits filling up my mind.

There's a big fancy word for what it is that I am taking issue with: Anthropomorphism. Antropo = man. Morphism = transformation. As humans we have this irritating, egocentric tendency to transform everything we have no concept of into something just like us, or our experience. So, when speaking of various spiritual realities we find that they all resemble either places we could easily create or visit, or in the case of spiritual personalities, they basically look just like us.

Now for those who have experiences of angelic or demonic beings I can understand that it is very possible they appeared in the form of human beings. Even if they didn't, I can easily see how our minds would transform them to appear as such. After all, we are speaking of personal beings, therefore they would sooner appear as a man or even an animal than appear as a microwave or a tree. But, my frustration is when people assume that this appearance is the actual shape that they exist in. This is an assumption that I can see underlying almost every conversation I have heard about such beings.

What of heaven and hell? Heaven is the reality that God exists in. It's not a place. Yet if we listen to the descriptions of it, we would find it not only to be a physical locale, but also realize that it is a purely material reality as well. The joy of heaven is not friendship with God, not the presence of his uninterupted glory, but instead golden streets and gates made from large pearls. Hell too, is materialized. It's frightful because we're scared of fire and bugs.

And then there is God himself. Since we don't like the iconoclastic nature of Christianity, Judaism, or Islam, we baptize Germanic and Greek religions to find that our mental picture of God has him appearing much as Zeus or Thor. He's got the face and hair of a wise 50 year old man, and the body of a 25 year old superathelete. He sits on a throne in a far away place called heaven. This accounts for why communication is so challenging; he's absent. This is not a Jewish picture, nor Christian, nor monotheistic. It is a pagan picture.

Paganism is the religion of anthropomorphism. It takes the spiritual and reduces it to our image. The problem with idolatry is reduction.

Dallas Willard explains that when we refer to God as the God of heaven, we are not refering to a God who dwells in a physical locale beyond our universe. The Jewish understanding of heaven is instead the air that surrounds us. It's actually very similar to the Eastern concept of the Divine. We are talking about a presence that prevades everything. When the psalmist asks "Where can I go from your presence?", he is not asking this to a God who reigns above and has really cool X-ray vision. He is asking this of a God who fills the space between the molecules of air which we breath. Willard explains that even in "outer space" where there is no atomic matter there is still God. The spiritual is the bedrock foundation that lays below all that is physical. And, where the physical is absent, the spiritual remains.

God is a great mystery. This is and without question should be an uncomfortable, disturbing fact to us all. He prevades everything. When we call him holy, we are not saying he is moral. Nor does holy imply that he is good. It means that he is a reality far beyond us. It means that we ultimately have nothing to say.

So, when we emplore speech to speak of God, we do so only in the knowlege that our words can never touch the mountain of which we speak (that's a reference to exodus). We should avoid the arrogance assuming that our words can contain the realities which exist far beyond them, or that our experience can indict the whole of a spiritual realm we are only partially aware of.

I don't believe angels or demons have physical shapes, and I imagine they are experienced more existentially than empirically. Heaven and Hell are not places; they are realities, and I think they are descriptive of the present as much as the future. God is holy, that's the only place to start with that conversation. Finally, anthropomorphism is a tool of expression. It belongs, like most things in Christian faith, in the hands of poets, songwriters, artists, and storytellers, not scientists, dogmatists, or close minded people. Please for the sake of generations to come, let's stop speaking as if our physical experience even tells a minute fraction of the spiritual realm which we long to understand.

the upside

How about I balance out all the negative a little:

Things I'm glad for -

1) It's green outside again
2) my car hasn't broken down even when I was sure it would
3) second quarter is almost over
4) I have an amazing guitar, and new songs keep coming to me
5) Though I despise being single, I haven't settled
6) It only rained for 3 days, and not 4 (I'm recovering from my seasonal affective disorder steadily)
7) I'll be 24 soon. I remember as a teenager thinking I'd never live past 20.
8) Even when I feel like God is playing hide and seek, he always finds me when I'm giving up.
9) God communicates to me in spite of my lack of prayer, Scripture, and worship
10) I got the clinical site I wanted for next quarter
11) Though my immediate future may suck, my overall future looks good.
12) My blood pressure is only a little high, and not worse
13) My parents are crazy and often irritating, but they love me
14) One day I will again have close friends who are not "in love", and that will be a good day
15) I have new aquaintances at my local Starbucks that could end up being friends
16) Music - it lives in us
17) I have friends that deeply care for me no matter how distant they often feel
18) The evening news isn't true
19) Even when I feel lonely, I no longer feel abandoned; it's a big difference, and a comforting one.
20) There is no limit to the depth of life I can experience
21) Death Cab for Cutie
22) As much as I hate school, it's giving me the opportunity to do the things I love.
23) I don't watch TV
24) My faith in God doesn't waver, only my trust. My relationship with him is established, and all my stuggles with him remind me of the bickering that is present in all relationships. And, for this reason I know he is real.
25) I am frustrated that I don't know what to do with the gifts I've been given, but I know what they are, and I know they are increasing.

anti-evangelical

I've decided recently that I am emphatically not an Evangelical anymore, and am in favor of no one being so. . . .

I took a class my senior year called 'leadership strategies'. It was basically a business class hosted by the theology department, which proved to be an interesting combination and accounts for why I would claim it as the second best class I have ever taken. In this class we spent a large part of the semester discussing the fine line between influence and manipulation, since as a leader you have to attempt to influence others. The problem is that most influencing that leaders do extends a little too far and descends into manipulation. I've been chewing on the class for 2 years now and have realized that this is a thoroughly theological issue.

Free Will is the most ostracized doctrine of Evangelical faith. We give it honorable mention and then lock it in the basement of discussion for fear that if it should get out, it will mess everything up. I think this abuse of Free Will is also one of the greatest blasphemies against God that Evangelicals make in the name of being 'holy'. Imagine if we truly allowed everyone the freedom to choose what they would: with no guilt trips pending, no sanctions or social ostracizing, no threat of their choice building a wall between us . . . no self-righteousness forcing them into a "less holy" category for what they have chosen, no dehumanizing jargon like "lost", "unsaved", or "unbeliever". If free will were respected in this way, Evangelicalism would crumble within days. Christian television would have nothing to put on the air. Entire printing businesses would close for not having pamphlets and tracts to print. We might even find this strange thing called 'respect' floating around our society in a little greater abundance!

Leaders are called to influence. Influence resides on the side of the line where Free Will is revered. Influence seeks to present factors and angles that the other might not see at first.

Manipulation is on the side of the line where Free Will is denied. Manipulation seeks to place factors and angles in front of a person and then allow them to look at nothing but those things. It attempts to limit their sight, thought, and allow only tried and true experiences which will coerce the other into one option: whatever the "leader" wants. It is at the heart of a all consumerist marketing, and has become the pillar of Evangelicalism.

Now, I am all for sharing faith. I think if we could regain a true respect for Free Will, then dialogue would become one of the greatest tools for the Kingdom we could see. Imagine different churches and faiths having enough respect for each other to find the common ground and, if only temporarily, come together for the purpose of serving God. . . Instead we divide, and push each other away for fear of being contaminated, or worse yet realizing that God has escaped the doctrinal net we have been weaving around him for who knows how many years. What if a Muslim is doing a better job of serving the poor? Do I reject what he is doing since he is doing it by Muhammad's word instead of Christ's? But, I'm sure Evangelical churches would poor much more effort into theologically training its members to convert the Muslim, than toward joining him to benefit those in poverty. We've missed the point.

It's a defense mechanism. We set up the few criteria that we typically meet, and elevate them as the golden standards of obedience to God; even if we reject the rest of his commands. In my church we get baptized. We follow the 200 year old errant traditions of the movement we came from. We turn Paul into a new Torah and elevate the book of Acts to dogma. And since we generally meet these criteria, we judge everyone else by them. To everyone else the sound ludicrous. To us they are the seal of our salvation, and all others are called to stand before them to be judged. Meanwhile Baptists judge us by the criteria they live up to. Methodists do the same. Catholics measure all of protestantism by their criteria. Muslims measure us by their strict monotheism. Buddhists judge all others by their amaterialism. And secular people judge all by their practicality in day to day life. And, in this process all are alike in that they manage to remain in the 'right' and everyone else is failing to measure up.

Most people are like this, but passively. It's how we safely maintain our lives. When Mormons knock on my door, I already have the criteria in mind that I know they don't measure up to. I spit it in their face (if I'm feeling rude) and shut down whatever they have to say to me. Secular people do it to me. I try to start a spiritual conversation; they say it sounds like a bunch of spiritualized nonsense, and we both go about our day sure that we were in the right. Evangelicals though are this way, but aggressive. They convince themselves thoroughly of how right they are about everything: from creationism to millenialism. They proceed to find every means possible to obnoxiously present this pseudo-righteousness to everyone. We force people into conversations they don't want to have, and then back them into a corner, thinking that this is the way to convert them.

It makes Free Will a joke.

And that is serious! God created. And, he created us free. He spent 2000 (two-thousand!!) years working with a stubborn ethnic group. How's that for a church-growth standard: two thousand years and the results were the shaky faith of one of the smallest nations in the world. The response he desired from Israel was one made of their own will in the glorious freedom he had provided them. The Christian plea is that Jesus was the sacrifice of God, who paid everything that we might be left with a choice of total free will!! We are saved from all forces that prevented us from choosing God, but the choice still remains. The call of Christ is emphatically opposed to all manipulation. Preachers using verbal manipulation to achieve maximum numeric response to an alter call or a summons to baptism is not discipleship. The former is garbage in comparison to the latter. If God himself if willing to die in the form of Jesus on a cross to provide us with true freedom to choose, what does that say for those who would short-circuit that very freedom in the name of Jesus!!??

sick of it all

Lately my mind has returned to a state of feeling that God is a complete mystery, which has led to a lot of frustration for me. I'm tired of praying to a mystery. I haven't really prayed in months. I've barely worshipped. I'm burnt out on church. I spend the majority of my time with people who don't give a crap about God. I spend 65% of my week learning about drugs and what goes wrong with people, with a class of divorced parents, single moms, strippers, cocktail waitresses, former drug dealers, and immigrants who are just scraping by. And where is God in this situation? . . . lately the only answer I've found is: He is somewhere being mysterious. For a while, I thought that was a beautiful answer. This week it's gotten old. I'm tired. Really tired. I don't have it near as bad as the majority of my classmates, and I'm still worn out. I can only imagine what they feel. What do I have to offer them??

Me - "You look sad, what's wrong?"
Them - "I'm in the middle of a divorce, I have no money, with three kids to take care of, I work a crappy job that keeps me afloat, but I'll probly lose that soon and have to live out of my car because I didn't get the clinical shift I need for next quarter."
Me - "Oh, that sucks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . try Jesus : )

or worse

Me - "Oh, well pray to God about it . . . . . even though I can barely pray lately and God seems like a distant uninvolved mystery to me about 85 % of the time now days . . . . . "

I'm supposed to be able to give them hope, but I feel like I've been truly introduced to the real world for the first time in my life, and I'm claw and scratching like everyone else just to stay alive and not get taken advantage of.

In the midst of all this, I hear lots of different friends and aquaintances say various things about faith and prayer and God and Jesus, and I've lately found myself looking at them thinking "what in the are you talking about?!?" Lately I have found myself in the same anti-religious funk that my classmates live in. I hear people speak of praying and reading the Bible, and with all honesty in my heart I think "Right, like that'll do me any good."

Basically I'm sick of everything right now. I'm sick of doing 40 hours of school in four days. I'm sick of listening to my annoying classmates whine and argue with each other. I'm sick of all of them on an individual basis. I'm sick of most of them on a group basis. I'm sick of going to clinical and pretending like I'm busy for 12 hours at a time. I'm sick of having no one living close by to hang out with. I'm sick of all my friends being paired off and having to be 'the single guy' among them. I'm sick of their ridiculous ideas of 'oh well then you should date this person . . .' I'm sick of sermons that don't tell me anything new. I'm sick of wishing I could find a better church, but never finding a better church. I'm sick of my world feeling so small.

And all of these in their own little way are things that I'll present to God and I feel like he does absolutely nothing about them. Ultimately worrying about God makes me more tired at the end of the day, which is about the last thing I need or can take right now.

And in spite of this I know God has been plenty good to me lately. But I'm tired of glossing over the crappy things in life. For everything I'm sick of there should be healing.

if you can't tell, it's been a long day, and i'm sorry if this brought you down, but this is where i've been living for a week or so.

Leadership

Hmmm. In an attempt to make this balanced, I admit I have always had issues with authority. I was rebellious as a teenager, and though I've calmed down, I have always had reservations in regard to authority figures. The only authority figures I have had good relationships with are those who basically never once acted as an authority. They never pulled a power play on me. They never coerced me. They never 'lorded over me'. These men and women (and they are precious few) always felt equal or at least within reach. They never appeared to have assumed so lofty a position that I simply needed to follow them without questions or doubts. They are the only ones I could respect as authorities with no hint of resentment in my heart. With them excluded (and I do believe they would number less than 15), I have always issue with those who assumed (or were by circumstance simply in a position of) power over me.

So, when it comes to church leadership, I typically shut my mouth. If the Spirit didn't aid me to submit, I would most likely spew all kinds of accusations and loaded questions at leadership. But, God often helps me to shut up. Fortunately for all. I realize that elders are men, and they are under more pressure than I could understand. So I hope nothing I say here comes across as accusatory or judgmental. My frustration is primarily with the system as it stands today. I don't intend to make any attack on them personally.

As I have dealt with this issue over the past couple years, I have realized that I no longer resent authority or leadership in of itself. Praise God. But, I have found exceptional trouble trusting in leaders who have never met me, and who might never know of my existence if I didn't bring it to their attention. These are men making decisions for me, and they've never seen my face. At best to them I am a name on an attendance sheet. At worst, I am a number. These are the men who guide me, but they've never heard my thoughts, never listened to my concerns, never listened to my dreams. They've never sought to hear what the Holy Spirit is revealing to them through me and through my life.

As for where I'm at in terms of titles:

I have no problem calling men I've never met an elder. If they are older than me, they have more experience, and are worth listening to an revering. They have a lot to teach me, and I should respect them. But, respect does not entail mindless obedience, and I still feel it is my responsibility to question their wisdom in light of the different situation I live in. Elders are deserving of my attention and respect, but the application is up to me and they cannot live my life for me.

I have a lot more difficulty calling a man I have never met my shepherd. Shepherd is a far more intimate term in my opinion, especially in light of how Jesus speaks of the job. Shepherds need to know their sheep, and most of my shepherds have never seen my face, they don't know my name. I am a number. Furthermore, I am not even their responsibility, but the responsibility of a minister whom they have passed their job on to. Meanwhile the shepherds who I am supposed to follow are busy being independently wealthy.

Sheep follow the shepherd as they hear his voice, and they go somewhere because he goes there first. The only time I have heard the voice of my shepherds is when they lead a prayer in the corporate service, and I'm not sure exactly what they are leading us to.

Sheep don't follow shepherds on their own initiative. When the shepherd is not keeping an eye on them, they wander off and typically die. I don't see in a very biblical to pass this job off to a paid minister. And in so far as they do, does that not make the minister the shepherd, and the one holding the title more of a corporate shareholder, attempting to see their sheep business adequately compete on the sheep market???

That being said, right now I'm pretty firmly convinced that most of the real shepherds in churches these days don't hold titles as such. The men at my church who I consider to be my shepherds certainly don't sit in on the meetings, but they know me. Perhaps not well, but they call me by name when they see me, and they know a few of the things that makes me unique. And what's more, they care. They want to see me grow into Christlikeness. They want to see me illuminated with the glory of God, not simply assure I attend service and conform to church standards.

I realize that this is harsh, and in it I don't mean to say anything concerning the character of any of the elders/shepherds at my church or any other. I don't know them well enough to say anything about their hearts or what the Spirit is doing in and through them. Truthfully, I don't know them period. And, that is the problem in my eyes.

Perhaps the criticism I direct at them is wrong, or simply like most criticism is, a misdirected display of pain, which I feel in regard to authority. Perhaps. Probably my comments reveal that I am 23 and have a lot of growth in the Spirit still needing to take place. I'm sure a bit more humility would serve me well. But for now, if I must err, I would choose to do so on the side of honesty at a set of circumstances that I feel quite sure need to be called into question.

wondering

How about an honest question for a change:

Is it possible to call a man who you have never met or seen your elder or shepherd?